Past belief: I should be replying to all my text messages

A shift within

“You don’t miss what you’ve never had”

There’s a couple of text messages on my phone that I have not replied to.

As I write this I’m remembering the longest one is from a few months ago. A recent on is a week long.

In the past I would answer every message as I received them. I was reactive.

On the inside, I had to reply, I was afraid to be judged for not replying directly. I desperately wanted everyone to like me. I also wanted to control what people thought of me. Therefore I replied asap.

When it happened that I didn’t reply, I’d tell myself that I should be replying - PS this was on top of all the other “shoulds” I was shoulding myself. It was a heavy weight to carry - I’d also judge myself for not replying directly. That I could not be seen as serious, valid, loveable.

My head was creating stories about who I was from reply fast, or not.

Today on the other hand…

FREEDOM!!!

Here’s what’s happening, I receive a text, there’s an automatic body check in happening.

As I’m writing this, I’m emerging from a transition phase. So I haven’t been as active on my phone as I’m prioritising my health and wellness. Next, I’m doing the best in the engagement I’ve committed to. And the rest has no space allocated in my mind. There’s no need for it.

People think of my what they will, Let them ;)

I don’t exist to be a specific way for people to think of me. I exist to be.

And being I shall.

“You don’t miss what you’ve never had”

I didn’t know that this kind of freedom was possible in the past, so I never tried to look for it. Today I live it, and there’s no going back.

From my wild heart to yours,

Tara